How to decide whether you and Your Spouse are ready for Adoption
Even after planning meticulously, taking all precautions and necessary steps, undergoing various fertility treatments like IVF, many women still are not able to conceive. However, still there is one more choice and a noble cause too, that is Adoption.
Through adoption, you can become parents to a child given birth by someone else. You can either adopt a child from a single parent, from a teenage mother or an orphan. However, like in pregnancy you need to plan and be mentally ready for it, even for adoption a couple needs to plan and be mentally ready for it.
Difficult Situations Faced By Adoptive Parents:
Many adoptive parents, regardless if they adopted due to infertility or for a noble cause or for building their family, faces many common issues and problems. Firstly, coping up with infertility and inability to produce a child is very difficult for a woman. In addition, it may affect your marital life and your relationship with your spouse. Secondly, it may not be easy to accept and adjust the adopted child in the family. The first issue has to be dealt personally, patiently and carefully by the couple. You need to keep your marriage and relation strong and support each other. And, for the second case, generally all the adoptive parents face the following situations:
- Confused feelings that you are not the “real” or “biological” parents of the child
- A fear and insecurity regarding the known or unknown biological parents of the child, and their genetic influence
- Relationship with the birth parents or families
- Talking with your partner, other children and other family members about adoption
For couples, whose decision for adoption emerges out of infertility issues, have few more complicated issues to handle and struggle with:
- Confusion about what if we conceive after adoption? (Some people even have a superstition that a couple can conceive after adoption. Therefore, they are optimistic after adoption, which can be shattered and might affect their relationship with the child or with their spouse. Even if it comes true, then there whole attention shifts towards their biological child, leaving the adopted child ignored.)
- In addition, many couples who have lost their biological child and have chosen for adoption as a second alternative might have guilty pangs or mixed feelings about the adoption.
How to Cope-up With Pre-Adoption Confusion:
To avoid such confusion, guilty pangs and emotionally turbulent instances, one need to come with terms with the reality that they will never have a biological child or that all IVF treatments have failed or the loss of their own child, etc. One needs to take out some time, think about their own internal emotional process, and see how far have they coped up and accepted the situation.
As a couple, you need to understand each other’s emotions, inner status, needs and be strong and supportive. Especially the male spouse needs to be tender, tolerant and supportive towards his wife as for a woman to come with terms with infertility is a difficult and emotionally turbulent task.
If you have been going through failed fertility treatments, then it is advisable to stop those treatments once you have made the decision to adopt. However, if you are still not emotionally prepared to stop those treatments even after you have adopted, then that means adoption is still the second bet alternative for you. This way, after adoption you will not be able to give all the love, care and attention that he or she deserves because you will still be distracted towards your dream biological child. You and the child will never be happy, as that adopted child will never be able to measure up to the biological child you desired for so long.
If you and your spouse have been bereft of your child, then you need to first come with terms with that fact. Also, before going in for adoption, see how much that wound have healed, whether or not you will be receptive of the new adopted child and will you be able to justice towards that child or not. If you or your partner has still not recovered the loss, then you will keep comparing the adopted child with your lost child, and everyone will be hurt in this process.
It is important to introspect, accept the present situation, sit with your partner, and discuss in details. If needed do not hesitate to consult a counselor for advise. However, the main thing is to listen to your inner voice.